Why do you need to evaluate yourself

 

A new look at self-esteem and self-confidence

Self—esteem is a person's assessment of himself, his qualities and personality traits. This is the central component of the Self-concept and self-awareness.

“How to evaluate yourself positively? How to increase self—esteem?” are not the right questions.

“Is it necessary to limit yourself to the framework of assessments? Maybe to be successful, it is enough to be confident in yourself? Have self-worth?” — questions worth asking.

Inadequate self-esteem

Self-esteem determines the type of personality orientation and regulates its behavior.

Based on self-assessment, a person decides how to act in the world and how to treat others.

And self-esteem helps to “protect yourself”, to identify the boundaries and the difference between your “I” and the “I" of others.

Hence, the functions of self-esteem, defined in science as:

- regulatory,

- protective.

Inadequate (excessively low/high) self-esteem is identical to inappropriate (inappropriate to the situation) behavior towards:

- to yourself,

- to others,

- to business/work/occupation,

- to the world.

Inadequate self-esteem appears when the levels of a person's claims and real capabilities diverge:

- Low self—esteem - “I can do more than I think, so I don't achieve my goals.”

- Overestimated self—esteem - “I can do less than I think, so I don't achieve my goals.”

If we take as a basis that the achievement of any consciously and competently set goal implies an increase in the psychological well—being of the individual (that is, contributes to happiness), then the failure to achieve goals, on the contrary, suppresses the personality and its growth.

In the end, a person stops striving for anything because he loses... self-confidence! He stops believing in the possibility of happiness for himself!

- Adequate self-esteem is usually associated with two concepts at the same time:

- Self—confidence is the belief that the tasks in life and independently defined goals are adequate to real opportunities.

Success = Life satisfaction = Happy life.

Individuals who have achieved success in life do not put themselves below or above others. They don't compare themselves at all, they don't relate to others. They know themselves, so they want what they can, and they can do what they want. Their self-esteem is adequate.

Adequate self-esteem is based not on an emotional, situational and relative attitude towards oneself, but on:

- The ability to calmly (without emotions, guided only by reason) analyze the available opportunities, personal qualities, place among people, etc. Analyze it in order to make a conclusion in which direction to develop further.

- The ability to accept oneself without appreciation, that is, to love oneself. This is the position: “Any assessment of me is a convention. I change in every second of time, and at the same time I remain true to myself. I am Me! And I love myself just because I am. Unappreciated!”

Adequate self-esteem presupposes the presence of an idea of self-worth in a person's mind and a deep, spiritual experience of this knowledge.

Self-worth, like self-confidence, has nothing to do with overestimated or underestimated self-esteem. It appears when a person realizes that he is valuable in himself.

From self-esteem to self-confidence

Self-esteem is built on the basis of those assessments that were given to a person by other people (mainly significant ones) and society as a whole.

A person is taught to evaluate himself internally by giving him assessments from the outside. A small child does not evaluate himself, does not analyze thoughts, desires, abilities, actions and opportunities until he is taught to do so.

The ability to evaluate oneself is not innate. Self-esteem is formed during life and changes under the influence of external circumstances, sometimes very quickly and dramatically.

The healthier a person is and the more holistic he is as a person, the more stable and adequate his self-esteem is.

When evaluating themselves, people are usually categorical — they distinguish only in personality:

- advantages (positive features) — the “light” side,

- disadvantages (negative qualities) — the “dark" side.

But the fact that some traits are positive and others are negative is “told” to a person by social norms, standards, and morality. While human nature is one, it does not know “what is good and what is bad.”

If there are any traits or properties at this stage of personality formation, it means that they contribute to this formation, are necessary and natural.

It is impossible to evaluate yourself without resorting to comparison.

And if a person, comparing, puts himself above others, and if he considers himself more “inferior”, he harms himself. This is how inadequate self-esteem is formed.

But comparing yourself to yourself is a useful activity. Subject to adequacy!

In terms of evaluating yourself with yourself in the past and in the desired future, it is much more effective to use the word “mark”. Not to evaluate, but to mark (notice, note, leave a note) your own characteristics.

Useful:

- Celebrate your successes in the past and present, notice those that are ahead.

- What is commonly called mistakes and failures should be marked as experience and lessons learned from it, drawing conclusions on how not to behave so that an undesirable situation does not happen again.

- Noting their relatively stable qualities, be guided by logic and, in particular, the law of cause and effect. Logically, one can assume what kind of life an established trait, property, and behavior model will lead to. So, it's not difficult to be a “fortune teller" yourself.

The difficulty is that any (even adequate) assessment is always subjective. A person cannot evaluate himself objectively, no matter how hard he tries!

Do you need an outside look? But an outside observer is always subjective, because he is also a human being.

Fortunately, there is always an exception to any rule.

The specialist who helps to determine the level of self—esteem most objectively, set a goal and work on himself is a professional psychologist.

Adequate self—esteem and self-confidence is a goal that can really be achieved by working on yourself.

Self—improvement is always a personal responsibility and work that brings positive results!

If you want to work on yourself based on the recommendations of a psychologist, pay attention to Yulia Pryakhina's project "Women's Academy of Online Trainers".

The training here is unplanned and :

- it will allow you to understand which parts of you are hidden and suppressed,

- help you accept them and release your energy,

- return you to a resource state,

- and allow you to look into a bright future.

- It's time to understand that in fact, the real you are a wonderful person!

Evaluate yourself

How to raise self-esteem

Discussing with friends in the kitchen an acquaintance who seems to be both smart and pretty, but always walks with her nose hanging down, we say with the air of experts: "Elementary, Watson! She definitely has low self-esteem. The main thing is to love yourself, and everything will get better!" How to love yourself, we cannot say clearly, and all the ideas come down to regular visits to a cosmetologist and a fitness center. Well, at best, to the advice to eat right and not to be nervous in vain. It is clear that these recommendations have nothing to do with improving self-esteem… Indeed, what to do with self-esteem, where does it come from and what influences it?

WHERE DOES SHE BELONG?

Self-esteem came to the attention of scientists a long time ago, at the dawn of the development of psychology as a science. The American psychologist William James at the beginning of the XX century asked the question: is our "I" one whole or consists of parts? The scientist was interested in how it could be that the "I" is indivisible, if there is still some kind of second "I", which the first "I" evaluates and analyzes. Where does the inner voice that encourages or scolds us come from? James concluded that the "I" has two sides, facing one side outward and the other side inward. The second side is directly related to self—esteem - by looking at oneself, a person not only perceives, but also evaluates what he sees in himself.

After James, almost all psychological scientists working on the topic of personality dealt with self-esteem issues. Gradually, a confusion of definitions, approaches and views arose. At the moment, the "official point of view on self-esteem" is recognized by the theory of the Self-concept of the American psychoanalyst Robert Burns. His theory says: The self-concept is a system of human representations of oneself, which includes awareness of all one's physical, intellectual and moral qualities, as well as our own attitude towards them.

WHY DO I NEED IT?

Self-esteem is extremely important so that we can achieve a state of inner harmony. No matter what happens around us, the firm belief that "we are good" helps to stay afloat, without being destroyed by the fact that someone hit you in a crush on the subway or called you a dumbass at work.

Psychologist Nathaniel Branden, who has been studying self—esteem for several decades, believes that self-esteem is confidence in our ability to cope with the tasks that life puts before us, and confidence in our right to be happy. "Self—esteem," Branden writes, "consists of two aspects—self—efficacy and self-esteem."

Self—efficacy is a sense of one's personal power (from the word "I can"), one's ability to cope, realistically assess what is happening and respond adequately. When we tell ourselves: "I can!", we affirm self-efficacy!

Self—respect is a sense of one's worth, personal dignity — the one that should not be lost under any circumstances.

Both self—esteem and self-efficacy are key qualities that influence our activities. With low self-efficacy, you can postpone a difficult task for a long time without deciding to start it. With weak self—respect, you can literally live "at the dictation" of others, for them, but not for yourself - forgetting how valuable and important your opinion and your right to happiness are.

THE NATURE OF SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem, like the rest of the components of our "I", comes from childhood. The kid cannot evaluate his own character, actions and actions, so all he knows about himself is what his mother, father, grandmothers, kindergarten teacher told him. The more often he hears from his mother the words "my grief", "stupid", "you are nothing but misfortune", the more difficult it is for him to love and accept himself, a kind of little monster. It is in the family that the basis of self-relationship is laid, which "aukes" or "warms" us all our lives. Parents sometimes have no time to pat their offspring on the head once again, but many of us remember the affection and love of a grandmother who loved just like that and rejoiced at every appearance of her grandson. Such memories are a huge resource that helps you cope with the feeling of your own insignificance in adulthood.

When a child expands his circle of communication from his family to a group of peers, he has a chance to increase his self-esteem due to success in communication. As a playing partner, he can find evidence of his worth as a clever goalkeeper or a good friend. Later, at school, self-esteem is influenced by how well a child learns the curriculum. In the role of a student, he can be quite adapted, which means he is pleased with himself.

Self—esteem is not a frozen education, it is constantly changing and being adjusted, enriched. It cannot be expressed in one specific figure, because in our different guises, roles, we can accept ourselves less or more. Good mothers, but distant daughters; excellent friends, but negligent neighbors; excellent listeners, but uncertain speakers — we gladly accept some qualities in ourselves, while others we reject and devalue. Since self-esteem is fluid and changeable, you can start working with it at any given time. In adulthood, you can work directly with self-esteem by contacting a psychologist. In childhood, through a change in child—parent relationships or in special correctional psychological groups.

Natalia Ulyanova, psychologist at the Center for Psychological and Pedagogical Correction and Rehabilitation On Snezhnaya, says this about working with children's self-esteem: "It is difficult to work directly with a child's self-esteem, this can only be done through play, through activity. You need to rejoice at the success of the baby, celebrate even the most insignificant achievements, pay attention to every neatly written squiggle. You can always find something to praise! Even if the task is completed incorrectly, we rejoice at how carefully the child signed his piece of paper. Noting inaccuracies and mistakes, we immediately focus on the success of the child."

WORK ON YOURSELF

Self-esteem has become a highly debated topic. There are often calls from the screen and in magazines to love yourself, accept yourself for who you are, and not listen to those who allow themselves to be dissatisfied with you. Such a position can be dangerous — you can't lose your self-criticism! High self-esteem from scratch can lead to cool relationships with family and friends, and even conflicts.

Evgenia Belyakova, a family psychotherapist and author of the art synthesis therapy method, speaks about the importance of adequate self-esteem as follows: "Overestimated and underestimated self—esteem is equally bad, a balance is needed. It is very important to know your resources well, your strengths (to be adequately aware of them, without inventing anything) and your weaknesses. Use your strengths, develop your resources, and compensate for your weaknesses!"

Every time we act in accordance with our ideas of what is right, kind, and honest, our self-esteem gets an additional chance to improve. Dr. Branden identifies six principles, the observance of which contributes to the growth of self-esteem:

- be aware of your actions;

- accept yourself;

- be responsible for yourself;

- be able to stand up for yourself;

- live purposefully;

- be honest with yourself.

Of course, each of these principles requires a lot of work on oneself and the courage to admit one's laziness, imperfection and desire to buy altyn with a copper. However, any great journey begins with the first step.